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The
Journey to Making
The journey of making the Stations of the Cross began in March of 2003
when I was asked, along with twelve other artists, to create a Station
for a campus wide exhibition of the Stations of the Cross for Fuller Theological
Seminary. I was assigned Station Ten, Christ is Stripped. Having been
known as a figurative artist by my friend who asked me, I suspected he
knew what direction I was going to take it. I thought and prayed over
that Station, but I already knew what I was going to do. It was already
on my heart. If I was to do any justice to this moment I knew that I had
to be honest and bold. I knew it was to be a nude. There was no way else
to do it. If I didn't I felt as an artist I would be a coward and a liar.
This moment, when the soldiers stripped Jesus, I needed to show His strength
and dignity in the face of attempted indignity. I say all this as an explanation
of a dynamic that would continue to be a defining characteristic in making
art: Once something is put upon my heart, there is no not doing it. It
has to be done. So I did the piece. I brought my friend Paolo into the
studio to shoot the main image and from there it was piecing the prints
onto the canvas and painting. What I thought would be a stark monochromatic
image turned into a boldly colorful rendering. You see, although I know
what the piece needs to be, the journey in making it is always out of
my hands...if I'm wise enough to let go. I've done it both ways and I
know better now. When I dropped the piece off, I thought they were going
to hang it in the broom closet. To my surprise they placed it in the chapel.
I was elated...they got it...This opened a door for me. Though I had done
a crucifixion in the past as my first performance painting, the possibility
of doing work that was emerging from scripture was ...thrilling.
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THE
HUNTED - 1997
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ORIGINAL
STATION TEN - 2003 |
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A
year passed and in the fall of 2004 my pastor Reverend Rebecca VerStratten-McSparren
(who I planted our church Tribe with) asked me to speak at the Worship
Arts Liturgy and Preaching conference is Asbury Kentucky. There in front
of me at Tribe, was the original Station Ten. I boldly said I would do
all Fourteen Stations then perform the Resurrection at the conference.
"Great," she said and I was put on the schedule.
I
went home and panicked. How? How could I commit to something like that?
I have an annoying penchant for committing to things I feel are nearly
impossible only to force myself to do them. But this was different. Doing
something big is one thing, but doing something that would require not
only thousands of dollars and a cast of more than a dozen people, we would
need, among other things, weapons, costumes…and a huge cross. I wanted
to make a series that was personal, accurate and emotionally intimate.
The
months passed and I made sketches still not knowing how this would get
done. But God provides. In the fall of 2004 Tribe received the promise
of a worship grant from Calvin College. Though the grant was dispersed
among a variety of projects Tribe was doing, it was enough to cover the
basic expenses of the project. That along with personal money and a generous
investment from Tribe, we were able to start.
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TRIBUTES
FOR KINGS - PRELIMINARY SKETCHES
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Everything
began to fall into place in late February. Just when I was at a loss over
weapons I met someone at a party who was a weapons master. Just when I
thought we were stuck for costumes, my friend Sylvia volunteered. On and
on it went like that and God provided just what was needed just at the
right time. Paolo Durazzo (who was Jesus in the original Station Ten)
volunteered to again play Jesus. I ended up casting Sylvia as Mary.
Then
there was the matter of the cross. I didn't just want a cross…I wanted
a CROSS. I went to Home Depot in search of good 4x6 wood. Naturally I
found it, but upon turning around, there was a new shipment of recovered
railroad ties. They were beautiful….worn, rugged and impossibly heavy.
Here I go again, I thought. Though I felt as if I was going to regret
this, I went with the railroad ties. We managed to haul them to my friend
Mark's woodshop and there we carved out what became our cross. When it
was done, it was 9'x6' and looked fantastic. It also weighed 300 pounds.
Paolo's going to kill me, I thought. Or it would kill him. One of the
two.
There
was no way he could even lift this let alone carry it, so the only solution
was to rig a cable system to the ceiling of my studio and hope that it
would hold. So people at Tribe…Ok, my friend Jim who is more skilled
than I at this sort of thing, did the rigging. Four of us lifted it…and
it held. It swayed dangerously a bit, but then settled. The discovered
bonus of doing it this way was that we could essentially position it in
any way we needed. This naturally would be critical for the Stations where
Jesus falls. There is also something very emotionally effective about
shooting around a cross that could actually kill you if something snapped.
Thankfully it never did.
So we now had less than a month and a half. The work had to be dry and
on the truck by April 10th. Shooting began March 1, 2005.
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WOODSMITH
MARK FITZSIMMONS CHISELS OUT THE RAILROAD TIE CROSSBEAM IN HIS SHOP IN
STUDIO CITY - THE 300LB. CROSS RIGGED WITH ITS PULLEY SYSTEM IN THE STUDIO
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A PERSONAL NOTE, MY FRIEND TIFFANY BEGAN CHEMOTHERAPY FOR BREAST CANCER
DURING THE COURSE OF SHOOTING
HER AND HER HUSBAND CAME OVER TO SHOOT THE SHAVING OF HER HEAD BEFORE
THE TREATMENT TOOK HER HAIR.
HER HAIR IS WOVEN INTO THE CENTER ROPES OF THE CROSS AS WELL AS BEING
INCORPORATED INTO STATION FOUR AS PART OF MARY'S HAIR.
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The
Shooting
The cast was now assembled, including my friend Rebecca who was just about
to give birth (See Station Eight) The shooting went quickly and emotionally
over a period of four days. But we wanted this to be more than just a
shoot, we wanted it to also be a living Stations of the Cross. We read
scripture, prayed and played music while the scenes of Christ's journey
were reenacted. It became an incredibly powerful experience for everyone
involved. It also became a depthful merging of my multiple communities,
many of whom are not Christian.
Shooting was a discovery
process. The preliminary sketches were oftentimes abandoned in light
of what was evolving in front of the camera. Art, more often than not,
is simply paying attention. What was occurring was more akin to theatre
than a straight photo shoot.
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The
Printing and Painting of the Stations
What was up until this point a collaborative mix of energies was now to
be an intense and solitary period. There is no way for anyone to help you
other than showing up to bring you food and make sure you're still alive.
Other than fasting, this was the most intimate time I've had with God. For
weeks, sometimes 18 hours a day, every day, I worked on the Stations: Processing,
printing and the final assembly of the images onto the canvases. Friends
would drop by briefly to make sure I ate. I lost 15 pounds.
It was now the end
of March and the final pieces had to be painted by April 4th to be dry
in time to ship. That left five days. The only word I can think of is
"Grace." Never before had God taken me deeper into the work
or pushed me into areas I had never gone. There is no real way to describe
this period…
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PRINTING
IN THE DARKROOM - GLUING THE NIGHT THE POWER WENT OUT - STATION THREE
PRE-PAINT - TIFFANY'S HAIR IN STATION FOUR - STATION TWELVE ON THE EASIL
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The Moquettes
and Descriptions
Before the above printing began I made
"moquettes" or studies from the images to determine the preliminary
compositions and sizes of the prints by using a mathematical ratio. Often
times elements would be chosen from different frames to see how they would
fit and if any size adjustments needed to be made. This often changed
when printing began, but it gave me a starting point.
The markings on them are printing notes I made once I got into the darkroom.
I didn't have the money or the time to make multiple prints so a great
deal of care went into determining exposures and ensuring I got the prints
in one try without having to do them twice.
With the first
Station two
repeating motifs
are introduced that thread throughout the series: the archway and
the Trinity.
Though not in every Station, the archway is representational of us as
"witness" - the place where we fit in. It asks "Where were
you?"
In every Station save for one, there is a triplicate of squares or objects
representing the Trinity. It is there for what I trust are obvious reasons.
Though neither of these need to be noticed in order to experience the
piece, they are my way of giving each Station a personal mystery and greater
depth. In other words, no one needs
to know they are there, but I needed to know they were there.
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The original frame
was printed in reverse due to the layout of the studio. Pilate is the
musician Dave Raven and his wife is his actual wife, the pastor Reverend
Rebecca ver Stratten-McSparren. It was shot horizontally to allow for
the "Gallery" above. The silhouettes were shot the same night
and Paolo (who plays Jesus) also doubles as Barabas in the upper right
arch. I added one partial bit of another frame with the water running
out of the bowl because it added even more to the water element. The
cable on the wall is to the cross which is just out of frame. The background
was left as it was and would be removed in the painting process.
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This
is one of the shots that departed from the original sketch in the shooting.
Originally planned as looking up at the cross, we felt it removed us too
far away from Jesus' eyes. I moved up onto a ladder until Paolo suggested
that we just shoot straight down from the top of the cross. During this
I accidentally turned the aperture of the camera and the frame is actually
underexposed by nearly three stops. This ended up being a blessing in disguise.
I had to make the print in high contrast ( Grade IV in full strength Dektol)
which is what gave the final piece it's stark tone. Had it been any more
underexposed I would have lost the frame. Dave Raven is the soldier on the
left and Rod Ramsey is on the right. That's my powerpack on the floor in
the background.
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This
one was scary. Though we had the cross thoroughly rigged, Paolo had to be
directly under it. Eric (who asked me to make the original Station Ten)
is just out of frame on the left...not that you can see him because I scratched
him out. I cut a different pose of Cameron in from another shot because
it was simply a better pose. The double arm was an early attempt to emphasize
the fall. In the end I went with the original position. When the images
were montaged onto the canvas, I heightened the fall of the cross by tilting
the images further to the right.
Though I didn't realize it at the time, this would be the first Station
to make me come up empty when I got to the painting stage. Removing everything
but the figures left them floating in a featureless void which I didn't
know how to make work. In order to solve this I felt led to just start regardless.
One has to keep in mind that the process involves the removing of the paint,
so once the paint goes on, I have three to four hours to finish any piece.
If I made a mistake, there would be no time to do it again. I had to get
each one on the first try. So, once the paint was down, I heard the urge
to cut in a horizon line. It was the perfect solution and it became my first
"landscape" of sorts. Since they were all painted in order (except
for Fourteen) the motif then became a part of many of the Stations to follow.
None of that was part of the original plan. My notion of "painting
by faith" became realized even more clearly to me.
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This
is one of the Stations where the final image is almost entirely the photograph
itself. This was the first image we shot of Paolo and Sylvia together (who
also randomly happened to know each other from a previous project). The
intention behind this shot was for them to try to look in each other's eyes,
but can't. I don't think I ended up needing to say anything else. They did
it perfectly.
Sylvia was the last person cast for the Stations. She's been my friend for
years and had volunteered to do the costuming for the project all the while
I was trying to track down someone else for the part. When someone suggested
her, I sat for awhile and then realized that she would be perfect. Though
she's never acted before I knew she could do it and she did.
This is the piece that Tiffany's hair is woven into.
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Traditionally
Simon is often depicted as the selfless companion to Jesus on His road to
the cross when in fact nothing could initially have been farther from the
truth. According to scripture, he was forced at sword point. In the shooting
we were careful to resist the temptation to hold poses and acted the scenes
out. We used real swords and spears. There didn't need to be much acting,
but there was also a deeper and more painful reason for that as well.
Just a few years before this Howard's wife and two children were killed
in a crosswalk by a drunken driver. He was left with his remaining child
Signey and in the painful ways in which God often works, He used this tragedy
to bring Howard into the knowledge of Him. The parallels here don't need
to be mentioned. I will be forever grateful that Howard was Simon.
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This
was one of the trickier Stations for me theologically for this is one of
the moments that doesn't actually appear in scripture, but comes from tradition.
Veronica is believed to be the woman that Jesus healed of bleeding, so the
notion of her putting herself at risk to take away His blood seemed to me
the most emotionally honest direction. I wanted to avoid the traditional
rendering of "Veronica's Veil" where Christ's face appears on
the cloth afterwards. Not only is it a subject of historical debate, I didn't
want the piece to be about a 'visual miracle' but about this intimate moment
of remembering and comfort. It is also the moment in which I wanted to show
Simon coming to know who he was really carrying the cross for. Certainly
Simon could have just finished the job with no care for who he was helping,
but I felt that it would be much more depthful if this walk was transforming
for him as well.
Autumn Fiore who plays Veronica was a casting choice from the beginning
for not only did she 'feel right' for the part, she was the artist who rendered
Station Six at Fuller Seminary two years before.
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This
was a tough one. It's the one that we realized that real whips are really
really dangerous. It took only the slightest tug on it and it slashed around
the room and would wrap around one of the cables...or Howard. My original
intent was to have multiple soldiers throughout the series, so I was shooting
Cameron in and out of the helmet in an attempt to double him up. It became
obvious that an additional body was going to crowd the composition, but
that left this as the only Station where the soldier wasn't wearing a helmet.
So for consistency, I cut the helmet onto Cameron so it looked like the
same soldier throughout. I also swapped out Christ's figure with another
frame at the last minute. This was also the first time in the painting process
where I was disturbed by what came out on the canvas.
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This
was the most difficult Station from a logistics perspective as well as an
emotional one. We read the scripture before starting and everyone was told
not to pose but be moving. Though this was the way in which all the Stations
were shot, this one in particular couldn't be static. Everyone had three
choices of action: to thank him, to say they loved him or to say good-bye.
There were real tears when we were done. Howard's daughter Sygney is the
bottom middle figure reaching up to Jesus.
The painting on this
was particularly challenging. It was about 5AM and I had been up all night.
This is the hardest time for me, right before dawn. It was also the third
Station painted this day. In the middle of the painting, God says, "Paint
a mountain." I don't know how to paint a mountian and I tell Him so.
"I do," He replies. So I begin to paint a mountain. I'm thinking
this is an absurd thing to do at this stage and especially as tired as I
was. Again, if I failed at it, there was no time to redo it. I'm hearing,
"Pull back the highlight...blend the edge more" and on and on
until the piece was done. Originally I was going to have the tree be a similar
element like the gallery in Station One but now it was an actual tree in
a real landscape. I've learned now not to question these things.
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This
was the final of the three "falling" Stations shot that day. The
feel was to be one of a bomb just having gone off and what one sees after
the smoke has cleared, realizing there is nothing to be done. The cross
is blocked up onto a cinder block and after this was never raised again.
What was a firestorm of sorts in the first two "Falling" Stations
was now to be a settling quiet, like a the tide pulling back before a sunami.
As I painted, this creature appeared in the sky. A lot of people have asked
me what it is. I don't have an answer for that other than it needed to be
there.
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This
was the last image shot this day. Originally I thought I would do another
version of the previous Station Ten, but realized that would be a mistake.
The first version was all about strength and dignity in the face of humiliation,
while this had to be about beginning to die. At this point he could no longer
stand and I wanted it to feel as if the heat were actually beginning to
leave his body. His only strength is coming from above. Paolo hit the mark
on every Station, but on this one I felt he was transcendent.
We actually tore his
robe on this one. It was the last time we were to be shooting with it and
it seemed resonant that we actually destroy it in the shot. Hearing it rip
after we had been shooting with it for so long actually brought an emotional
wave with it.
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This
was the first Station to be shot. We hadn't worked out the rigging for the
cross yet and it was just Paolo and me in the studio. The initial idea was
to have the traditional moment when the first nail is sunk in. We did shoot
that at first, but it is such an intense moment that we lose connection
with Jesus in it. There was a moment when Paolo looked over and I thought
of the moment just before the nail, when he looks at the soldier. Though
the first image would have worked, I felt this was a more mature choice.
In the painting stage is when it took another departure. A year before I
would have painted lots of flame like texture coming off the figure, but
with the advent of the horizon motif that began in Station Three I felt
led to carry it through into this one. Without designing the composition
to work in this way, the horizon bisects both the three thorns of the crown
and the three wooden spikes coming in from the sky.
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This
was naturally the most intimidating Station to do. Because of that it was
also the last one photographed and like Station Eleven, it was just Paolo
and me.
Painting began on it about 3AM on the day they needed to be finished. I
had just finished Station Eleven and still had Station Thirteen to go and
I was exhausted. I didn't think I would be able to do it. I guess that's
why I am convinced it wasn't me doing it.
The bottom half came quickly, probably about 20-30 minutes. The top portion
was a fight. In the midst of it I realized that the horizon came back for
one last time - that Christ's figure became the horizon, the intermediary
between above and below. I finished it just as the sun rose. It is the only
Station not to have the Trinity motif.
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This
was the most emotional Station to shoot. Sylvia had a hard job. Her job
was to get the soldier to stay back to give her one last moment with her
murdered son. This Station was all about motherhood. Our good friend Rod
played the soldier and was a trusted person. We had shot the yell again
and again, but when we hit the moment just after the yell is when we knew
we had it.
The figure in back I still can't fully explain, but I just knew she had
to be there. She holds a shaft of wheat. This was the last Station to be
painted. I finished at 10AM.
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I
had intended to paint all of the Stations in order, but for technical reasons
I moved this one ahead. The idea behind this was for it to be like the last
look one has when leaving a funeral. The moment you intentionally commit
to memory. I wanted it to be the darkest of the Stations but with the smallest
ray of hope coming warmly from the side. It is this Station where the series
traditionally ends.
Though the last of the traditonal Stations, it was one of the first shot.
Both subjects had never been photographed before. Again, I switched shots
at the last minute when I went to print. Hank (Left) came from a Jewish
background and was not only the perfect Nicodemus, he also was a great adviser
on tradtion, such as the holding of the robe. Israel Dubon (Right) was the
father of Maggie who helped with costuming. He didn't speak any English
so Maggie translated for me. When she described the 'look at the funeral'
approach, he just nodded. He knew this look.
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Making of Station Fifteen - The Resurrection |
By
10am April 4th they were all completed. That same night they were exhibited,
still wet, in my next door neighbor's studio in an impromptu salon. It was
a studio that had seen many a decadent party over the years, but this night
was for the Stations. Friends and strangers from my various communities
arrived. Up until now there has never been a more meaningful, tearful or
emotional exhibit in my career. Nearly all were not Christian.
This left Station Fifteen to be both photographed and printed. I left it
to the end because I didn't know how to do it. I figured the extra week
would give me the time to work out the concept. Seeing Christ glorified
felt "too big" for the canvas. In rereading the scriptures, I
kept coming back to the angel at the tomb speaking to the women and that's
what I finally settled upon. I then realized that doing an angel was probably
just as difficult to render as Christ risen. It is written that the angels
says,
""Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus,
who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and
see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He
has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you
will see him.' Now I have told you."
My indecision over which statement of the angel's to use is what, in the
end, made him work. I decided to use all of his words at one time in a kind
of supernatural moment. I then shot the corresponding gestures and montaged
them all together.
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The
model is Karis from the band MUTAYTOR (and also my neighbor). He was my
only choice and I still couldn't have imagined anybody better.
The other challenge was the tomb itself. There are not many first century
tombs in Los Angeles and I refused to use the Bat Cave which was always
a common location. The only solution I could think of was to carve a miniature
out of foam using reference images from Israel and Mesopotamia. I had never
carved a miniature in my life and all the experts said just make sure I
use the right tools. I didn't have those either, so I used a fork, knife
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The
Stations were now on the road and the plan was to build and montage the
panel here in Los Angeles for my friends to drive to Kentucky. They then
decided to fly, which left no time to ship it and too big to carry on a
plane. The only thing that was left to do was to take the loose canvas,
stretcher bars and photographs and build the entire panel start to finish
in the hotel room the night before. It seemed that the series would end
in the same way that it was created: no sleep and all Grace.
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So
on April 18th around 1PM at Asbury Seminary with no sleep, I gave my lecture
on the Stations and prepared to create Station Fifteen. I was so exhausted
that I didn't even trust my notes which were all written in short hand and
so I threw them away before I started. I either knew what I was talking
about or I didn't. Due to a move of venue and problems of signage, the audience
who eventually found me was rather small; roughly 20 or so people including
my parents who had driven the whole way down from Pittsburgh. In my "human"
mind, I was disapointed. This was the culmination of all this work and I
had hoped that the majority of the 400+ attendees would be there. But then
I thought, "You know? This isn't about you. Just go do your job."
So after the lecture, which I heard went well, I put on the two pieces of
music I had chosen for this: "The Enchantment" by Sheila Chandra
and the untitled "Track 8" by Sigur Ros and began.
There is a special "silence" that arrives when I paint in performance.
I know what it is, but I can never fully explain it. In the studio the pieces
will take hours to do (sometimes days depending on the piece), but in performance
they are done in the span of a few songs. "Triumph" was completed
in 12 minutes. After all these years of doing them, it still amazes me.
Sometimes I feel God needs to get me completely out of the way in order
to work. Looking back now over the entire journey, the sleeplessness, the
impossible schedule, it all makes sense. I became less and less as the work
became more and more...right up to the very end.
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THE PERFORMANCE OF STATION FIFTEEN
VIDEO COURTESY OF PAUL SOUPISET
Saturday, April 18, 2005
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POSTSCRIPT
Since finishing the Stations I have truly felt called to
continue putting Scripture to image. At the beginning of October 2006, I
began work on "In the Time of the Judges" which will be
the entire book of Judges told over 40 Panels. The first two images "Shamgar
and the Oxgoad" and "Jael
- the Killing of Sisera" are already complete.
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